When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
