How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
