Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
