Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
