We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
BRING THE BAGELS
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
