You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He better not be in your backpack
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
