I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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