last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
