I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
