im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
