I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
