i jhust puked up my retainher.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
