There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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