I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
