Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
