The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
