and i looked up. we had an audience...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
