Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
