I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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