he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
