A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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