She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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