the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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