i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
