so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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