Your face is a jimmy john
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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