If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
