You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
