I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
