where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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