I need help removing her.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
