Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
