I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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