I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
