i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
