just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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