Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
