Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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