My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
