Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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