bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
