i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
