At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
