we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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