I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
