WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
