Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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