Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
