Plan B is the new Plan A
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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