I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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