he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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