Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
