He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
