i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
