If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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