I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
