Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
